May 18, 2002 - 12:12 p.m.

i have no idea how the casting went yesterday. it's so hard to tell with those things. i think it will come down to my need for a tooth bleaching, though. not anything massive like the root-canal business before i left the u.s., but the side pointy teeth are really mucking things up for the rest of them. they wanted a full-scale laughing smile shot. i will say, in my defense, however, that the photographer said, "great hair," on my way out.

simon and i went to see paul and grant-lee last night. so, so amazing. grant-lee played "stars 'n' stripes" and "arousing thunder," and he had a violinist helping out. i noticed that the songs from his latest album don't work as well on the guitar. many people have been making potshots about how electronic the album is, but i say, when it works, it works.

paul was just fantastic, and he told the audience it was a singalong free-for-all. i have songs running through my head all the time, but it was so surreal to realize - while listening to the entire (sold-out) audience singing like they were at a campfire and paul just happened to have a guitar - that so many others have the same songs in their heads, too. it was incredible. grant-lee must have been freaked out.

i have been heartbroken ever since, however, because paul's manager would not let us backstage to say hello. paul and i have been e-mailing back and forth, and we really need to talk about this photo project i've got in mind, loosely based the on the neil finn photo book by mark smith. we just haven't been able to meet up. the last time simon saw paul and his band play in january, the manager wouldn't let him backstage either, making up some story about the bass player being injured and not wanting to see anyone. (paul later e-mailed me and said he didn't understand why simon left the venue and didn't talk to him.) so we're not really sure if miss manager is just making up lies or feels a real need to defend her bear cubs. whatever the case, i was quite peeved. i guess that's what happens when you're a big-time rock star, eh?

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in other strange news, i've got a casting at the age on monday, for a modeling gig! how strange, indeed, that the age is the very place i long to work as a photojournalist but cannot get a job. maybe i can chain myself to a desk or something until they give in to my demands.