March 01, 2002 - 3:09 p.m.

i am sick.

i thought i was having a bad allergy attack yesterday. after all, fresno is in the heart of the #1 agricultural production area of the world, so there's always plenty of pollen and dust to go around.

last night, before i went to bed, my throat hurt so much that i was almost in tears. i couldn't swallow without bracing myself. i woke up this morning, blew my nose, and the tissue was a lovely citron color. which means this is serious, and not at all allergy-related. i think i got it from the boy who made my sandwich in berkeley. he was coughing an awful lot. people in the food service industry should just stay home when they're sick. but i know people need money, and i can't tell everyone how to live his/her life.

i had nightmares all last night. this was due to three things: my room was too warm (always an anxiety-dream inducer for me), my throat hurt, and i had put something on my face that started a chemical burn. so i kept dreaming over and over that i called up readymade and told them i couldn't be their cover model, and they would have to find someone else last minute. then i woke up and realized i had never called them.

instead of calling readymade, i called the australian consulate. i spoke with our case manager, under the auspices of not knowing what to do if the notice of intended marriage should expire (it says we're getting married on march 23) before the visa is finalized. that makes it more of an "urgent" call (deemed ok by the consulate) and not a "how is my visa application going?" call (deemed inappropriate by the consulate).

long story short, it looks like we might know next week. it sounded like my application was ready to be decided, just sitting in a drawer, the only problem being that other people were ahead of me in line and needed to be attended to first. he kept saying, "if i were to decide this tomorrow, would you be ready to go?" i think that, had i not called, i would probably be waiting a few more months.

oh yeah, i'm still planning to drive to san fran tomorrow, under the supervision of 24-hour sudafed. does anyone have tips on healthy food to keep me awake and smiling, so they won't know i'm dying inside?