April 04, 2003 - 10:37 a.m.

there's a guy named nick who works for my temp agency. he's not my normal contact, but i've had to talk to him when the other coordinators are busy ("jenny asked me to call you...").

my coordinator's on leave at the moment, so i've got good old nick for awhile. he's not a bad guy, but he is a bit of a schmooze and not, as discovered yesterday, ultimately reliable.

i spoke to him last week, trying to arrange a semi-complicated receptionist job. the company wanted someone to come in for one day prior to the three-week stint for a hand-over - essentially, the current receptionist would teach me her job before she went on holiday.

the handover was supposed to be yesterday (thursday the 3rd), and the actual job was supposed to start the following thursday (the 10th). nick and i went through this three times at least, because i'd never heard of such an arrangement. also, nick had told me to start on the 2nd originally (he had written it down incorrectly, he said - bad sign), so i wanted to make sure i had it right.

when i showed up at the job site, the receptionist was very surprised to see me. not only was i not supposed to be there until NEXT thursday, but she wasn't ready for me at all. everything was a mess. it was also her birthday, i found out, which is a stinky day for an unwanted shadow.

i was supposed to start a week later (the 10th) and actually commence the job the following monday (the 14th), which is completely different to what i had been told. i called nick to find out, and he confirmed that i had taken down the info correctly. he had gotten it wrong. i ended up staying because the receptionist said she didn't mind and because i was already dressed up anyway. actually, i really stayed because we are so desperate for money right now that even $90 might make the difference between having one of our utilities shut off or not. i'm serious.

let me spell this out clearly: because of the thursday starts (or so we thought), i was unable to take other assignments. i had to forego other jobs because clients wanted someone for an entire week and i had to commit to this one. now i have all of next week with nothing to do and absolutely no money coming in.

simon and i had to go through all the bills last night, and it was very depressing. even with my on-again off-again temping last month, i still brought home more than he did, but the temping has no regularity to it whatsoever. there's no way to budget if you don't know what's coming in or when. and some months are definitely better than others.

our lease is up at the end of june, and i don't know what's going to happen. for me, the worst-case scenario would be moving back in with simon's parents. second-worst would be moving back to america, where we would probably be living with my parents. simon has previously suggested taking a roommate, but i'm against it. he's also suggested taking a second job, but then i would never see him. he suggested that i try for a job waiting tables, but i have no experience (every ad i've seen says "experience necessary") with waiting tables or even cash registers. if i hand in my resume, it will be absolutely irrelevant.

i would rather move into a one-bedroom apartment and save money. i like this house and love this neighborhood, but i've also been waiting nearly a year to paint, and we're still unable to do so (thanks, landlord!). until that happens, i won't feel quite settled, so we might as well move.

it all feels so stifling, though. i know exactly what i want to be doing with my life (how many people can say that?), yet i'm unable to do it in melbourne and make money. i wouldn't want to live anywhere else, but i can no longer afford to live here. and it's frustrating, too, because i feel as if i've already done everything i can in order to get a job. how many job applications can one person send before being affected by rejection?

i met a guy who lives a few streets away from me and is - according to him - making money as a freelance photojournalist. i wish i knew how the heck he was doing it.