February 18, 2003 - 9:34 p.m.

*WARNING* THIS ENTRY CONTAINS POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE TEXT ABOUT BODILY FUNCTIONS. BOYS MAY BE ESPECIALLY OFFENDED.

i woke up at 4:30 a.m. with the cramps from hell. it hurt too much to get up and take painkillers (affectionately referred to around here as "drugs"), or to make the toast to coat the stomach in preparation for taking the drugs. i just sat in bed and moaned until 6 am, when simon's alarm went off.

after administering said narcotics, i ran into the bathroom, trying not to faint. somehow (i'll spare you the details) blood made its way onto the pristine white bath mat, which was in place on the tile floor. as you may have read in earlier entries, i've been having knee and back pain lately. this makes it very difficult to bend down. i was sick from cramps as well, so the last thing i wanted to do was get on my hands and knees and clean the bath mat. but i did. so that was my morning. how was yours?

since i am being so frank, i might also mention that i get very bad gas bubbles during that time of the month. i don't know why the two are linked, but they are, much to my dismay. this leads to me talk about sawing off my lower half on a monthly basis.

at the end of the work day, i made my way to the restroom, only to find the girl from across the hall entering at the same time. i was having some serious gas-bubble pain, and i needed to take care of my other business, as well. i don't know about the other ladies out there, but i am uncomfortable performing the following functions in a public restroom:
1. farting
2. the infamous #2
3. "girl business"
how convenient that i needed to do all three when someone else was in the next stall and i actually knew her name.

danielle made her way to the stall first. i made various embarrassing plastic wrapper noises before sitting down. this took awhile, but she was still there. then i sat, trying with all my might to get rid of the gas bubbles silently (or at least ignore them). she was still there, for minutes and minutes, with no sound. if my checklist was so long and complex, what the heck was she doing in there, and so silently?

i know, i need to get over my hang-ups. in the end, i couldn't take it and just left without taking care of #2. i'm an idiot, I HELD IT IN because i was embarrassed.

thank you for letting me get the bad day off my chest. if you thought this entry was disgusting, please don't e-mail me: you have been warned and i am still crampy. if, however, you are refreshed that i chose to discuss this embarrassing topic and share my idiocy with all of you, then e-mail away.