January 28, 2003 - 10:28 a.m.

maybe i'm crazy, or maybe i still need to learn the rules of the game. below is an ad i just found on a job site:

SHOPASSISTANT

Full time person required by instant print/copy shop. Strong skills in Quark, Photoshop etc vital. Experience in retail customer service a distinct advantage. For details, call Bill Davey...

so i called bill davey, and what did he tell me? he said he only wanted someone with experience in a copy shop, with laminating, binding, etc. he didn't care about experience with photoshop and quark. um, excuse me, but did i read the same ad you wrote? perhaps a blurb like "copy shop experience essential" would be prudent. agh.

the picnic was fun yesterday. we met a nice girl named kristy, who reminded me a lot of myself. actually, that's not true. she reminded me of someone i would be friends with, which made her seem very familiar.

simon and i were talking about my lack of friends, and he said i need to make more of an effort and be really bold. ("BE MY FRIEND, DAMMIT!" is what i'll start shouting, ha ha.)

i said i felt like the people i'd been meeting were all very nice, but no one struck me as someone i could really pal around with. i have the same attachment to them as i do a lot of simon's old friends, for example - they're his friends and not mine. that doesn't mean i don't enjoy their company, it just means we'll never get to that level where you really know someone. we'll just be dinner-party friends.

i don't mean any of this in a nasty way. i just mean that you click with and are comfortable with certain people, and those people are hard to find.

while in missouri, i kept to myself a lot until i got involved with kcou. it was like i'd found this magic, hidden group of people who were all potential friends, some of whom are now on my list of favorite people. i just wish i knew where that magic group was hiding here.

kristy seemed like she could easily fit the bill. she's moving near us soon, which is a definite bonus. then there's tamara, the new receptionist at 3RRR. she has definite potential, too.

last week i met a girl with cool glasses, knitting a hot pink halter top (no joke!) at a tram stop. we had a great conversation, and i was going to trade phone numbers or e-mail, but she caught the other tram ahead of mine - same stop, different route. it was one of those awkward end-of-conversation things, and we didn't really have time to finalize things. oh well.

i'm feeling really positive, though. i'm not dwelling on it (although it may seem like it in this poor diary), and i feel like i am getting out and making more connections. i'm proud of myself for making us go to the picnic yesterday. things are going to be ok.