May 05, 2002 - 5:08 p.m.

for bethb and the rest of you who are interested in the Y O U saga, i found something new, in a different location. this one is also a sheet of photocopy paper folded up into quarters, but the words have been typed on a computer. no attribution whatsoever, but the front has been stamped in red with the phrase MEATLOAF HEADACHE. the bottom says -1 MAY 2002.

i guess i keep printing these because:
A) melbourne is wacky
B) these pieces of paper are wacky
C) i am still confused as to why no one is leaving attribution. perhaps they enjoy the mystery?

i should also note that when i retype these, i keep the author's spelling and punctuation intact.

other things you might want to know:

EFTPOS: ATM machine, used for making in-store purchases with your bank debit card

Fox FM: bad top-40 radio station

Footscray: melbourne suburb; also an australian rules football team

chupa chups (misspelled by author): brand of delicious lollipops

The Big Issue: magazine sold by homeless and perpetually unemployed people, to earn money

---------------------------------------

I will get run over and become a quadriplegic.
My girlfriend will leave me.
I will become a primary school teacher.
I will become a primary school teacher and be arrested and accused of touching the students.
I will go bald.
I will have a stroke and become ugly.
I will be run over by a car and my parents will pay thousands of dollars to keep me alive.
My parents will have to sell their house to pay for my medical bills.
I will become a schizophrenic.
A Current Affair will come looking for me.
My house will have been burgled when I get home.
I will have kids and they will think I am a loser.
I have a brain tumour.
It will cost over $1000 to fix my car.
Paul thinks I am gay.
I need glasses.
I am a loser.
I will end up like Barry.
I have genital warts.
I will be grilled in court and my answers will not be enough.
The taxi is not coming.
My mum thinks I am a loser.
My mum is embarrassed by me.
I should be eating meat.
I have the human version of mad cows disease.
My band has broken up.
My car will break down in the middle of nowhere and it will be something really
simple and I wont know how to fix it.
I will get caught claiming money I should not be claiming.
I will sleep in tomorrow.
I will not have enough money.
It will cost more than I can withdraw on EFTPOS to fix the car.
Sunburn.
Mice.
I will go to prison and be raped by many men.
I will read my writing at spoken word nights.
I will have to see Castaway with Tom Hanks again.
I will have to watch Eddie Murphey films.
I will have to work a job where I am forced to listen to Fox FM.
I have tumours in my spine.
I will not be able to read any more.
I will be forced to join the army.
I will be fired for allegedly taking drugs at work.
I will drive while I have a migraine and crash the van.
I will crash my car while eating and driving.
My armpits will smell of b.o.
The grass in the garden will never grow back.
I wont get my bond back.
Footscray will not win a game all season.
I will be fined for putting up posters in the street.
I will end up selling chuppa chups in the city.
I will sell The Big Issue.
I will get sick and not have private health insurance.
My teeth are rotten.
I will see someone I know on the tram.
I am dressed inappropriately.
I will run out of ideas.
People will write reviews laughing at me.