April 21, 2002 - 12:02 p.m.

i was wearing my apron while cooking the other day when it finally clicked with simon that i had made it myself. i've been working on my article for readymade the past few days, and he'd seen me taking measurements and such, but he hadn't realized that the apron i always wear was one that i had made from a pillowcase.

all of a sudden, a very sad look came over his face.

"what's wrong?" i asked.

"i've missed four years of your life, baby!"

more sadness followed.

it was really a defining moment for us. while we've kept in close contact over the phone and via e-mail, you can't replace the real time we've lost from being a long-distance couple for so long.

simon was fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror the other day, and i stared at him more closely than usual.

"is your nose crooked?" i asked.

"i think so," he said, "from when i was mugged."

i'd heard the story but was nowhere nearby when the event occurred. and it's always seemed like a story, not something that really affected who he is as a person. now, i'm just learning, he won't go certain places at night. how could i not have known?

i'm trying to see the positive in all of this. the past is past, and now we have our lives to look forward to. when we are 92 and 91 and sitting in our rocking chairs, i'll still be able to say, "what? when did that happen? i never knew!" life will never be boring.